One of the worst things that can happen to you in a marriage is being cheated on. When we find out that our spouse has been unfaithful, it can feel like the whole world is working against us. A recent study has shown that over half of all married people have cheated on their spouses. As a result of such infidelity, nearly 20% of these marriages end in divorce. Unfortunately, there comes a time when you are left with no choice but to proceed with a divorce to end a bad marriage. Thankfully, you can speak to a divorce attorney who can help you begin to move forward with your lives after your spouse has cheated on you.
Moving On From A Cheater
When your divorce is officially final, it is time to move forward. Don’t spend your days trying to understand why your spouse was unfaithful. It is much better to be alone than with someone who isn’t true to you. Being alone will give you time to learn how to love and trust again. Being able to move forward will be fulfilling and will offer a better future. But take time to process it all before diving into something new. Be willing to take baby steps and understand that healing will take time. The key to moving forward is to make the most of the time you are given every day. You will experience a wide range of emotions and they can be hard to process when you have been cheated on. It is hard to learn to trust and love again, even when they have everything to offer. You might need to reach out to a counselor or a therapist if you are healing from any trauma that is associated with infidelity.
Divorce Can Bring Out All Sorts Of Emotions
When couples separate, it is easy for them to start telling stories about their spouse’s affairs. Once your divorce is finalized, you should avoid the tell-all. You can’t change what happened so there is no need to continue to dwell on everything that occurred. Let your new chapter be filled with only good thoughts. The past is now behind you and the future is a fresh start. If you have children, they are expecting you to navigate them through this change. You need to use your strength to protect them from all the bad divorce can bring. While it can be easy to talk bad about your spouse to your children, resist doing so. There is no need to bring them into the drama. As you go through the divorce process, you will likely feel a range of emotions, even those you weren’t anticipating. It is completely normal to feel angry, resentful, hurt, and sad. Divorce is undoubtedly painful and hard and when your marriage falls apart due to unfaithfulness, the emotional damage can be more difficult than most will understand. While it might not be easy, you should do your best to set your emotions aside and treat this separation like a business transaction. It tends to be healthier and quicker. By setting aside your emotions, you are allowing all of the legal aspects of the divorce process to move along. Once your divorce is final, you will be able to start your next journey — getting it done faster is better.
Cheating Is Abusive
When a spouse takes every bit of trust and faith that comes with being married and then ruthlessly destroys it by being or acting selfish, that person is abusing all the love and trust that was bestowed upon them, they are being abusive. When a person is cheated on, they can experience some trauma as a result of the mental abuse. Some spouses make the other believe that it is their fault they were unfaithful. One common example of this type of abuse is when one spouse tells the other that if they hadn’t let themselves go, lost weight, or got more fit, they wouldn’t have stepped out. Abusers do this to those that they abuse, whether that is mental or physical abuse– they flip the roles and make their victims feel like they are the ones at fault. This narcissistic behavior is too common. When your divorce is over, you must take the necessary steps to prepare yourself for life moving forward. This means being more aware of who you let in your life, so you do not fall down the same trap and end up with another abuser. Allow yourself time to heal and find yourself. Talking to a therapist is a great way to help you recognize the clear signs of an abuser so that you can see any red flags early on. You are strong– remember that your abuse is not your fault.
Moving Forward And Finding Healthy Relationships
Being able to have a healthy relationship after one where your partner cheated will require you to acknowledge the type of relationship you were in and the steps you will need to take to avoid it down the road. This will mean that you invest in yourself and improve your life as you move in the right direction. People who have been cheated on need to take time to identify their expectations of future partners and relationships and work to attract that– but remember, it was not your fault that your ex-spouse cheated. Avoid diving right into another relationship as you need time to grieve and process everything that went down. When you are ready, a healthy relationship will be one where both you and your new partner benefit and uplift one another. You should never be carrying the weight of the relationship on your own. Healthy relationships exist when you are in a true partnership, and you bring out the best in each other. While there might still be disagreements in a healthy relationship, this is going to look much different than it did in the past. Healthy relationships allow you to work through arguments while still showing respect for your partner and vice versa.
Steps To Moving On
Anytime you are involved with another person, the only thing you can completely control is yourself.
Here are a few things you can do to move forward from an unhealthy marriage:
- If the divorce hasn’t started or isn’t finalized, hire a divorce attorney. Allow them to handle the divorce so that you can stay away from the emotional turmoil and start healing.
- Realize that you do not have to spend the rest of your life hating your ex – but this does not mean you have to be their best friend, not even if you share children. Do be amicable and willing to separate your emotions from coparenting.
- Talk about it. Whether you reach out to a family member or friend that you can trust or a licensed therapist, you need to talk about it to heal. Professionals can help you navigate through all the emotions you are feeling both during and after your divorce.
- Don’t lose who you are by spending every day pitying yourself. You can grieve the loss of your marriage but don’t forget that you are strong, and you will overcome this. You are not alone.
- Do not be vengeful.
- You should never talk about the circumstances with your children. Telling them everything that happened won’t make it better for you, but it can be quite damaging to them. It can also impact your custody agreement if it gets back to the judge.
- Prioritize your health. Eat well, exercise often, and get outside. You will feel better if you do so.
When it’s all said and done and you know you are thinking with a clear mind, start dating again. Start slow so that you allow yourself time to listen and observe the other person before you jump in a relationship. Get to know the person or people you date so you can avoid issues you’ve dealt with in the past. Become a stronger version of yourself, one that is wiser and better than ever. You deserve a life of happiness.
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About Helmer Somers Law
We are committed to helping families resolve their differences and get back to their lives. We help individuals and families fight for custody of children. We protect your rights as you go through divorce proceedings. We offer the guidance and support that you will need when you are involved with the legal system. We help clients with cases involving…
- Divorce and legal separation
- Child custody and visitation
- Child support and spousal support (alimony)
- Property division
- Paternity
- Domestic violence
- Adoption
- Grandparent rights
- And other related issues